Ok, so, bad news. I like cats, so I decided to buy some exotic cats. Then, I figured, hey, I've never owned any birds before, and exotic birds are usually colorful, and I like colors, so why not buy some exotic birds? So that's exactly what I did. Things were great for about two hours, until I got to watch my exotic cats eat my exotic birds. FUCK.
I'm on my way to the pet hospital with my birds to see if anything can be done, and if not, to get together cremation arrangements. I'll let you know.
~FB.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Look at all the Pretty Colors!
I know I didn't post yesterday, sorry about that. But I had a good reason: I was on a romantic getaway with JHDub! It was pretty sweet. It was kind of an impromptu thing, we just packed my Nelly Furtado cds and some Pringles, and that was it. Not even any underwear (it wasn't really needed anyways).
There was also some business mixed in with our pleasure. Willy has some contacts from the slammer, and we're well on our way to becoming a major player in the drug business. Our drug cartel that we started is, that is. Should be a pretty nice way to supplement my income. As a symbol of my new found wealth, I'm on my way to pick up some exotic animals. They will so pretty and be awesome for me, it's going to be great. I'll let you know what types and what pretty colors they are later. Until then, bye!
~Felderburg
There was also some business mixed in with our pleasure. Willy has some contacts from the slammer, and we're well on our way to becoming a major player in the drug business. Our drug cartel that we started is, that is. Should be a pretty nice way to supplement my income. As a symbol of my new found wealth, I'm on my way to pick up some exotic animals. They will so pretty and be awesome for me, it's going to be great. I'll let you know what types and what pretty colors they are later. Until then, bye!
~Felderburg
Monday, June 8, 2009
No Pants Party
Not much to report. Just an all day no pants party with Jail House Willy!!! :O :O :O More romance scheduled for the evening: a candlelight bath with the music of Enya.* Boo ya! I know you're jealous. I would be. If I wasn't already doing it!!!! OOOOOOHHHH!!!
Gotta go, JHDub is calling. Peace!
~Felderburg
*I love Enya!
Gotta go, JHDub is calling. Peace!
~Felderburg
*I love Enya!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Jail House Willy
So yesterday was kind of a long day. I started off the morning setting an appointment up with a doctor, and you know how ridiculous that can be. All I wanted was a simple blood test to make sure I didn't get any STDs in jail, you'd think it wouldn't be that hard to set up. Whatever. With any luck the result will turn out negative--you never know what you might have gotten in jail.
Speaking of jail, I was inspired by some of those guys yesterday to do some crazy viking stuff and braid my armpit hair. It was hard, but well worth it. Then I bought fishnets for my date with Jailhouse Willy. I heard he was into that sort of thing. Turns out he was. Into it. REALLY into it. We only watched the movie, and didn't even get to dinner before he took me back to his place for some, uh, shall we say... "good times?" Yes, I believe we shall. I think I'm going to stay at his place for the rest of the day. Goodbye!
Speaking of jail, I was inspired by some of those guys yesterday to do some crazy viking stuff and braid my armpit hair. It was hard, but well worth it. Then I bought fishnets for my date with Jailhouse Willy. I heard he was into that sort of thing. Turns out he was. Into it. REALLY into it. We only watched the movie, and didn't even get to dinner before he took me back to his place for some, uh, shall we say... "good times?" Yes, I believe we shall. I think I'm going to stay at his place for the rest of the day. Goodbye!
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Law Can be Confusing
So I spent much of this morning writing a thank you note--letter, really-- to my mom, who bailed me out of jail this morning. It turns out asking young children back to my place to "hang out and ask questions about life" is against the law. Who knew? Anyways, the arraignment isn't for a while, so I'll let you know more as that approaches. On the plus side, the cops did keep me safe from any wayward coyotes thinking I was a giant chicken suitable for eating.
As far as the planner goes, I was supposed to dress up as either "wagnet youth" or "magnet garth" or "waynex yarth." I decided to go with a cowboy hat (for Garth Brooks) and a whole bunch of magnets. The party time I had was excellent. My computer didn't think so, which is why I am at an internet cafe, mostly naked (my costume had to be left at the door. Something about magnets and damage to the mainframe).
I'm pretty tired though, what with the jail time and party time, so I think I'm just going to have some nice down time with a sheep. Should be pretty relaxing. Felderburg, out.
As far as the planner goes, I was supposed to dress up as either "wagnet youth" or "magnet garth" or "waynex yarth." I decided to go with a cowboy hat (for Garth Brooks) and a whole bunch of magnets. The party time I had was excellent. My computer didn't think so, which is why I am at an internet cafe, mostly naked (my costume had to be left at the door. Something about magnets and damage to the mainframe).
I'm pretty tired though, what with the jail time and party time, so I think I'm just going to have some nice down time with a sheep. Should be pretty relaxing. Felderburg, out.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Elementary Musings in a Chicken Suit
So I have a chicken suit now. I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I went and sat in my car for a while, thinking of all the amazing places I could go in a chicken suit.
I guess I didn't come up with that many, since I went back inside and played with a hair dryer.* This may not sound like the most fun of activities, but lemme tell ya, this hair dryer is crazy. It has all kinds of crazy shooty things coming out of it, for curls or something I'm guessing, and about a million different settings. It's very sleek and expensive looking. It also may not work anymore.
Anyways, I ended up just driving around, and I discovered an elementary school where the kids were playing some crazy kind of hopscotch/four-square/freeze tag or I don't even know. So I asked one to come over and explain it to me but I still don't get it (she obviously didn't do a good job). Either way, in watching these kids, I have become struck at how cool and unknowingly deep they are. I'm pretty sure if I were to ask one questions about life, the universe, and everything, they would either say "42" or respond with something so profound and beautiful it would hurt deep inside. I think I may just ask one to come home with me, just to hang out and ask crazy questions. I'm thinking one of the precocious girls, since the boys seem more intent on pushing other and picking their noses. I'll let you know how that goes. I just hope they're not scared away by my chicken costume.
~Felderburg
*I may have also been afraid that the coyotes would chase me, thinking I was a giant chicken.
I guess I didn't come up with that many, since I went back inside and played with a hair dryer.* This may not sound like the most fun of activities, but lemme tell ya, this hair dryer is crazy. It has all kinds of crazy shooty things coming out of it, for curls or something I'm guessing, and about a million different settings. It's very sleek and expensive looking. It also may not work anymore.
Anyways, I ended up just driving around, and I discovered an elementary school where the kids were playing some crazy kind of hopscotch/four-square/freeze tag or I don't even know. So I asked one to come over and explain it to me but I still don't get it (she obviously didn't do a good job). Either way, in watching these kids, I have become struck at how cool and unknowingly deep they are. I'm pretty sure if I were to ask one questions about life, the universe, and everything, they would either say "42" or respond with something so profound and beautiful it would hurt deep inside. I think I may just ask one to come home with me, just to hang out and ask crazy questions. I'm thinking one of the precocious girls, since the boys seem more intent on pushing other and picking their noses. I'll let you know how that goes. I just hope they're not scared away by my chicken costume.
~Felderburg
*I may have also been afraid that the coyotes would chase me, thinking I was a giant chicken.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
That goshdarn Sunday
It messed up my plans again. Luckily, this means I have more time to prepare my chicken suit for tomorrow. And to maybe prepare myself for the planner's nonexistent Sundays for the remainder of the summer.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Tomfoolery
Hey there, sorry about being absent lately, the New You days were just going so well I completely lost myself in them. Literally. I found myself again yesterday though, just in time to marvel at the slurpie flavors in my local convenience store, and to tie my shoes before something bad happened involving tripping on loose shoelaces.
Anyways, today was a fun day. I dyed my beard green, and cut into a sweet Civil War general beard. Because they made me do it, and also because Civil War beards are the sweetest type of beard. Of course, a green civil war beard can only mean one thing: Leprechauns!! So I got a leprechaun outfit and pranced around for four hours. It was awesome.
I expect further tomfoolery this evening.
Peace,
~Felderburg
Anyways, today was a fun day. I dyed my beard green, and cut into a sweet Civil War general beard. Because they made me do it, and also because Civil War beards are the sweetest type of beard. Of course, a green civil war beard can only mean one thing: Leprechauns!! So I got a leprechaun outfit and pranced around for four hours. It was awesome.
I expect further tomfoolery this evening.
Peace,
~Felderburg
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