The other day, as I was cleaning out my room to move away, I discovered a daily planner for 2009. Several friends of mine decided to fill it out for me. This is a chronicle of my attempts to follow their plans.
Unfortunately, I didn't look at the planner until today, which means I've missed two days worth of plans. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it means I missed out on getting a "fabulously well paying job." On the other hand, it also means I missed out on getting an enema.
But on the other other hand (that's back to the one hand again) I also missed a lunch meeting with Mel Brooks. This is too bad, because I'm sure my friends went through a lot of rigmarole to get the appointment. I'm also disappointed that I didn't get to tell him that Spaceballs is more like Sucked Balls. Yes, that's right, I don't like Spaceballs. I even stopped watching it part way through it was so bad. In fact, the only reason I got so far was to spite my father, who had said "Oh, I don't know, I don't think this movie is that good," to which I responded "No way! Everybody thinks this is a great movie! It's gonna be awesome."* But as my forced guffaws turned into forced grimace-smiles and half-hearted "Ha..."'s I realized that my father was right, and that I should go do something more worthwhile with my time, like punching a steel wall with my bare knuckles.**
Back to the other hand, missing yesterday's plans does mean I get to keep my bell-bottoms. See, I have this extremely sweet, exceedingly awesome, eh-very kooool pair of jean bell-bottoms, which I love very much. So much so, that I don't know if I would have given them away, even if I had been following the planner yesterday. Although it is odd that giving them away was the plan for yesterday, since two nights ago (the night before yesterday) I had a dream where everybody was telling me my bell-bottoms were horrendous, and I spent the whole dream trying to not give them away or prevent them from becoming immolated or both. It was a horrible, horrible dream.
Anyways, today started bright and early with a shoe shine scheduled for 6 a.m. Why my friends did this to me, I don't know, but there it is. So my shoes are quite shiny now. Or they were, until I went to my high school campus. See, on my high school's awfully large grounds, there are some coyotes. And as I was walking with my newly shined shoes on said grounds, these coyotes apparently got angry. I don't know if it was my newly super shiny shoes, or the way I walked, or what, but they started going after me. Now, this isn't the first time I've been chased by coyotes, but it was certainly the most hair-raising. These guys were not messing around this time. I had to ford three rivers, disguise myself with sticks and river mud, and hop on a helicopter before they gave up. But give up they did, and now I'm safe and sound here at home, with some less-than-shiny shoes and river mud in my unmentionables. With any luck, the haircut and coloring I've got scheduled for later today will help disguise me the next time I'm on campus. And there certainly will be a next time, because I'm working there for the summer (this is not the fabulously well paying job, but it does pay pretty well).
That's it for today, a little long for a first post, but a lot has happened. Hopefully I'll keep this up-to-date every day. Shouldn't be too hard, seeing as there're things planned for me every day until August, I think. Alrighty, this is Felderburg, signing out.
*I have noticed I do many things for this reason. I suspect half an Oedipal complex hidden in my subconscious.
**Don't ask why there are steel walls in my house. I don't know. Some of the older people here might, though. Maybe I'll ask them.
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