Ok, so, bad news. I like cats, so I decided to buy some exotic cats. Then, I figured, hey, I've never owned any birds before, and exotic birds are usually colorful, and I like colors, so why not buy some exotic birds? So that's exactly what I did. Things were great for about two hours, until I got to watch my exotic cats eat my exotic birds. FUCK.
I'm on my way to the pet hospital with my birds to see if anything can be done, and if not, to get together cremation arrangements. I'll let you know.
~FB.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Look at all the Pretty Colors!
I know I didn't post yesterday, sorry about that. But I had a good reason: I was on a romantic getaway with JHDub! It was pretty sweet. It was kind of an impromptu thing, we just packed my Nelly Furtado cds and some Pringles, and that was it. Not even any underwear (it wasn't really needed anyways).
There was also some business mixed in with our pleasure. Willy has some contacts from the slammer, and we're well on our way to becoming a major player in the drug business. Our drug cartel that we started is, that is. Should be a pretty nice way to supplement my income. As a symbol of my new found wealth, I'm on my way to pick up some exotic animals. They will so pretty and be awesome for me, it's going to be great. I'll let you know what types and what pretty colors they are later. Until then, bye!
~Felderburg
There was also some business mixed in with our pleasure. Willy has some contacts from the slammer, and we're well on our way to becoming a major player in the drug business. Our drug cartel that we started is, that is. Should be a pretty nice way to supplement my income. As a symbol of my new found wealth, I'm on my way to pick up some exotic animals. They will so pretty and be awesome for me, it's going to be great. I'll let you know what types and what pretty colors they are later. Until then, bye!
~Felderburg
Monday, June 8, 2009
No Pants Party
Not much to report. Just an all day no pants party with Jail House Willy!!! :O :O :O More romance scheduled for the evening: a candlelight bath with the music of Enya.* Boo ya! I know you're jealous. I would be. If I wasn't already doing it!!!! OOOOOOHHHH!!!
Gotta go, JHDub is calling. Peace!
~Felderburg
*I love Enya!
Gotta go, JHDub is calling. Peace!
~Felderburg
*I love Enya!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Jail House Willy
So yesterday was kind of a long day. I started off the morning setting an appointment up with a doctor, and you know how ridiculous that can be. All I wanted was a simple blood test to make sure I didn't get any STDs in jail, you'd think it wouldn't be that hard to set up. Whatever. With any luck the result will turn out negative--you never know what you might have gotten in jail.
Speaking of jail, I was inspired by some of those guys yesterday to do some crazy viking stuff and braid my armpit hair. It was hard, but well worth it. Then I bought fishnets for my date with Jailhouse Willy. I heard he was into that sort of thing. Turns out he was. Into it. REALLY into it. We only watched the movie, and didn't even get to dinner before he took me back to his place for some, uh, shall we say... "good times?" Yes, I believe we shall. I think I'm going to stay at his place for the rest of the day. Goodbye!
Speaking of jail, I was inspired by some of those guys yesterday to do some crazy viking stuff and braid my armpit hair. It was hard, but well worth it. Then I bought fishnets for my date with Jailhouse Willy. I heard he was into that sort of thing. Turns out he was. Into it. REALLY into it. We only watched the movie, and didn't even get to dinner before he took me back to his place for some, uh, shall we say... "good times?" Yes, I believe we shall. I think I'm going to stay at his place for the rest of the day. Goodbye!
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Law Can be Confusing
So I spent much of this morning writing a thank you note--letter, really-- to my mom, who bailed me out of jail this morning. It turns out asking young children back to my place to "hang out and ask questions about life" is against the law. Who knew? Anyways, the arraignment isn't for a while, so I'll let you know more as that approaches. On the plus side, the cops did keep me safe from any wayward coyotes thinking I was a giant chicken suitable for eating.
As far as the planner goes, I was supposed to dress up as either "wagnet youth" or "magnet garth" or "waynex yarth." I decided to go with a cowboy hat (for Garth Brooks) and a whole bunch of magnets. The party time I had was excellent. My computer didn't think so, which is why I am at an internet cafe, mostly naked (my costume had to be left at the door. Something about magnets and damage to the mainframe).
I'm pretty tired though, what with the jail time and party time, so I think I'm just going to have some nice down time with a sheep. Should be pretty relaxing. Felderburg, out.
As far as the planner goes, I was supposed to dress up as either "wagnet youth" or "magnet garth" or "waynex yarth." I decided to go with a cowboy hat (for Garth Brooks) and a whole bunch of magnets. The party time I had was excellent. My computer didn't think so, which is why I am at an internet cafe, mostly naked (my costume had to be left at the door. Something about magnets and damage to the mainframe).
I'm pretty tired though, what with the jail time and party time, so I think I'm just going to have some nice down time with a sheep. Should be pretty relaxing. Felderburg, out.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Elementary Musings in a Chicken Suit
So I have a chicken suit now. I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I went and sat in my car for a while, thinking of all the amazing places I could go in a chicken suit.
I guess I didn't come up with that many, since I went back inside and played with a hair dryer.* This may not sound like the most fun of activities, but lemme tell ya, this hair dryer is crazy. It has all kinds of crazy shooty things coming out of it, for curls or something I'm guessing, and about a million different settings. It's very sleek and expensive looking. It also may not work anymore.
Anyways, I ended up just driving around, and I discovered an elementary school where the kids were playing some crazy kind of hopscotch/four-square/freeze tag or I don't even know. So I asked one to come over and explain it to me but I still don't get it (she obviously didn't do a good job). Either way, in watching these kids, I have become struck at how cool and unknowingly deep they are. I'm pretty sure if I were to ask one questions about life, the universe, and everything, they would either say "42" or respond with something so profound and beautiful it would hurt deep inside. I think I may just ask one to come home with me, just to hang out and ask crazy questions. I'm thinking one of the precocious girls, since the boys seem more intent on pushing other and picking their noses. I'll let you know how that goes. I just hope they're not scared away by my chicken costume.
~Felderburg
*I may have also been afraid that the coyotes would chase me, thinking I was a giant chicken.
I guess I didn't come up with that many, since I went back inside and played with a hair dryer.* This may not sound like the most fun of activities, but lemme tell ya, this hair dryer is crazy. It has all kinds of crazy shooty things coming out of it, for curls or something I'm guessing, and about a million different settings. It's very sleek and expensive looking. It also may not work anymore.
Anyways, I ended up just driving around, and I discovered an elementary school where the kids were playing some crazy kind of hopscotch/four-square/freeze tag or I don't even know. So I asked one to come over and explain it to me but I still don't get it (she obviously didn't do a good job). Either way, in watching these kids, I have become struck at how cool and unknowingly deep they are. I'm pretty sure if I were to ask one questions about life, the universe, and everything, they would either say "42" or respond with something so profound and beautiful it would hurt deep inside. I think I may just ask one to come home with me, just to hang out and ask crazy questions. I'm thinking one of the precocious girls, since the boys seem more intent on pushing other and picking their noses. I'll let you know how that goes. I just hope they're not scared away by my chicken costume.
~Felderburg
*I may have also been afraid that the coyotes would chase me, thinking I was a giant chicken.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
That goshdarn Sunday
It messed up my plans again. Luckily, this means I have more time to prepare my chicken suit for tomorrow. And to maybe prepare myself for the planner's nonexistent Sundays for the remainder of the summer.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Tomfoolery
Hey there, sorry about being absent lately, the New You days were just going so well I completely lost myself in them. Literally. I found myself again yesterday though, just in time to marvel at the slurpie flavors in my local convenience store, and to tie my shoes before something bad happened involving tripping on loose shoelaces.
Anyways, today was a fun day. I dyed my beard green, and cut into a sweet Civil War general beard. Because they made me do it, and also because Civil War beards are the sweetest type of beard. Of course, a green civil war beard can only mean one thing: Leprechauns!! So I got a leprechaun outfit and pranced around for four hours. It was awesome.
I expect further tomfoolery this evening.
Peace,
~Felderburg
Anyways, today was a fun day. I dyed my beard green, and cut into a sweet Civil War general beard. Because they made me do it, and also because Civil War beards are the sweetest type of beard. Of course, a green civil war beard can only mean one thing: Leprechauns!! So I got a leprechaun outfit and pranced around for four hours. It was awesome.
I expect further tomfoolery this evening.
Peace,
~Felderburg
Sunday, May 31, 2009
New You Day 3
Man, lava lamps are like....... man, they are totally the symbol of the universe...al world, man. They are balance. Things go up; things go down. But it all balances out in a perfect rhythm of soothing goodness and awesome. I totally see now why my mom said they stared at these things for hours back in the sixties. I'm almost at two days now. This was a good idea.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
New You Day Day 2
I have discovered an amazing new use for que tips. Cue tips. Cotton swabs.
Picking my nose!
Picking my nose!
Friday, May 29, 2009
New You Day
So I finally got the materials necessary for the next plan laid out for me. What is the next plan? More drug experimentation, hooray! Since I'm done with college and running competitively for a team for a while, I figure it'll be fine. Anyways, I'm about to go smoke crack and drop acid. Wish me luck!
Oh, also, I bought a bunch of lava lamps to replace the ones I used to have. I had three, but two of them stopped working, and the third I left in California when I came back home.
~Felderburg
Oh, also, I bought a bunch of lava lamps to replace the ones I used to have. I had three, but two of them stopped working, and the third I left in California when I came back home.
~Felderburg
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Whoops
So, it looks like I messed up. See, the planner doesn't have Sundays. It just has a little section on top of Saturday where the evenings usually go for the other days. So basically I'm a day ahead.* What does this mean for you? It mean, unfortunately, that I will not post tomorrow, because I have a day off. Woohoo! It's a good thing too, because I probably need the rest.
I spent all of yesterday wiping my butt, and resting, and all of today using a bidet, and resting.** I'm thinking about using my trash bags full of used toilet paper to keep the coyotes away. I just have to hope they're not like other canines I know. Anyways, I hope that all wasn't TMI for you, and I'll see you in a day or two!
~Felderburg
*This would explain why the sheep farmers were surprised to see me. Luckily, sheep farming is an all-week job, so it didn't really matter, I guess.
**Bidets are surprisingly hard to find. There were several not-so-good ones that I found initially, before finally settling on a fancy hotel with old-school plumbing fixtures. I thought that quality really should not be compromised in a situation like this. The fact that I had to skip out on paying a very expensive hotel room and left the bidet much unimproved is alright with me--I think the clean results are worth it.
I spent all of yesterday wiping my butt, and resting, and all of today using a bidet, and resting.** I'm thinking about using my trash bags full of used toilet paper to keep the coyotes away. I just have to hope they're not like other canines I know. Anyways, I hope that all wasn't TMI for you, and I'll see you in a day or two!
~Felderburg
*This would explain why the sheep farmers were surprised to see me. Luckily, sheep farming is an all-week job, so it didn't really matter, I guess.
**Bidets are surprisingly hard to find. There were several not-so-good ones that I found initially, before finally settling on a fancy hotel with old-school plumbing fixtures. I thought that quality really should not be compromised in a situation like this. The fact that I had to skip out on paying a very expensive hotel room and left the bidet much unimproved is alright with me--I think the clean results are worth it.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Fond Memories With Sheep, and a Terrible Toilet Trauma
So yesterday was spent at a sheep farm. It wasn't quite like I had been led to believe, but it was still really, really, really awesome. I got to do all kinds of things with the sheep, like shear them, play with them, milk them, weave their wool on a loom... I even got to watch a sheep and a goat make love. It was great, watching that inter species romance... Love like that is something we should nurture more, whether it be between a sheep and a goat, two people, or even a sheep and a person. True love is just a wonderful thing, and should not be denied.
Anyways, yeah, sheep farm. Good times... gooood times.
Today not so much. Maybe it was the sheep I ate ou--uh, ate, or the lamb we had for dinner, but something has gone terribly wrong in my digestive tract. I have been pooping all day, and I'm only taking a break just now to get this posted. I don't know if I'll have the energy to do anything today. I won't disgust you with the details, but suffice to say this is probably the worst toilet experience of my life. Imagine taking a whole can of Metamucil powder, sitting on the can for an hour, and then taking a bottle of Ex-Lax while your insides are still being poured out by a team of miniature firemen who's hoses are hooked directly to everything inside your body. Seriously, if it didn't feel like my insides were burning I'd be convinced I could put out fires with the stuff that's coming out of me.
Yeah. Anyways, I gotta get back to the bathroom. Until next time (if I survive).
~Felderburg
Anyways, yeah, sheep farm. Good times... gooood times.
Today not so much. Maybe it was the sheep I ate ou--uh, ate, or the lamb we had for dinner, but something has gone terribly wrong in my digestive tract. I have been pooping all day, and I'm only taking a break just now to get this posted. I don't know if I'll have the energy to do anything today. I won't disgust you with the details, but suffice to say this is probably the worst toilet experience of my life. Imagine taking a whole can of Metamucil powder, sitting on the can for an hour, and then taking a bottle of Ex-Lax while your insides are still being poured out by a team of miniature firemen who's hoses are hooked directly to everything inside your body. Seriously, if it didn't feel like my insides were burning I'd be convinced I could put out fires with the stuff that's coming out of me.
Yeah. Anyways, I gotta get back to the bathroom. Until next time (if I survive).
~Felderburg
Saturday, May 23, 2009
You make me feel
Not much to report right now, today was pretty uneventful after this morning. I just crashed, slept for a while, woke up and went to a Barbara Streisand concert. It was for some charity or something, not really my thing (the concert wasn't, not the charity) but it was nice.
Continuing in the older female singer vein, I tried to hop on a Celine Dion chatroom. I say tried, because every time I clicked the link, Firefox froze. I could have gone to another one, but the official chat room seemed like it would be the best place, plus there weren't really any others. It was funny though because the page linking to it had a bunch of explanations of smileys and text abbreviations and other things that are generally common knowledge to internet users. I guess the assumption is older females will frequent the older female singer's chat room? And I guess my assumption there is that older females don't know teh intarwebs.
Tomorrow I head off to a sheep farm, just to check it out. I guess I'll get in touch with my European peasantry roots while I'm there. I am part Scottish, so... uh... dag, there I go with the stereotypes again. Anyways, I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow evening, I guess. I think it'll mostly consist of keeping the flock safe from coyotes.
Speaking of which, my haircut and color is probably going to attract more attention to myself. I decided to let the guy go wild, which I guess may have been a poor idea at a place where everything is a flat rate $7.00? Anyways, my head looks like a giant clown's nose. Short, bright red hair is just not gonna cut it. Heh, cut it. See, 'cus I was talking about a haircut... Anyways, I'm done here. Gotta get some shut-eye, else the sheep might get away. Bye!
~Felderburg
Continuing in the older female singer vein, I tried to hop on a Celine Dion chatroom. I say tried, because every time I clicked the link, Firefox froze. I could have gone to another one, but the official chat room seemed like it would be the best place, plus there weren't really any others. It was funny though because the page linking to it had a bunch of explanations of smileys and text abbreviations and other things that are generally common knowledge to internet users. I guess the assumption is older females will frequent the older female singer's chat room? And I guess my assumption there is that older females don't know teh intarwebs.
Tomorrow I head off to a sheep farm, just to check it out. I guess I'll get in touch with my European peasantry roots while I'm there. I am part Scottish, so... uh... dag, there I go with the stereotypes again. Anyways, I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow evening, I guess. I think it'll mostly consist of keeping the flock safe from coyotes.
Speaking of which, my haircut and color is probably going to attract more attention to myself. I decided to let the guy go wild, which I guess may have been a poor idea at a place where everything is a flat rate $7.00? Anyways, my head looks like a giant clown's nose. Short, bright red hair is just not gonna cut it. Heh, cut it. See, 'cus I was talking about a haircut... Anyways, I'm done here. Gotta get some shut-eye, else the sheep might get away. Bye!
~Felderburg
Cafeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeine!
SoIwokeupthismorningwithmtmouthtastinglikelamppostsIhavenoidea
whybutit'sokbecausetheplannersaid"coffee,coffee,Coffee!!!!!"soIdranka
bunchhofcoffeeandnowmynouthdoesn'ttastelikelamppostsanymoreand
IthinkbecauseIneverdrinkcaffeineit'smakingmereallyweirdandthathas
thesamelettersaswiredwhichmakessensebecausebotharehappeningto
meandItookoutthetrashthismorningtooandIcan'twaituntiltheBarbara
StreisandconcertthisafternoonI'lltellyouallaboutlaterspeakingoflaterthis
isitoklaterbye!
whybutit'sokbecausetheplannersaid"coffee,coffee,Coffee!!!!!"soIdranka
bunchhofcoffeeandnowmynouthdoesn'ttastelikelamppostsanymoreand
IthinkbecauseIneverdrinkcaffeineit'smakingmereallyweirdandthathas
thesamelettersaswiredwhichmakessensebecausebotharehappeningto
meandItookoutthetrashthismorningtooandIcan'twaituntiltheBarbara
StreisandconcertthisafternoonI'lltellyouallaboutlaterspeakingoflaterthis
isitoklaterbye!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Good for the Heart
Boy, I am stuffed. Just completely full. I had a huge meal for lunch, and now I'm in between a round of wine tasting and beer tasting. Wish me luck.
In other, completely unrelated news, I have a question for all my loyal readers (all none of you as of right now). Would it hypothetically be bad, or just illegal, or both, or perhaps neither, to in theory find a state's state bird, kill it, pluck it, marinate and roast it, and then maybe, hypothetically in a completely unreal and theoretical situation, eat it? I only ask because I'm a little tipsy, so this question just sort of, um... popped into my head. Yeah, that's it.
Oh! I almost forgot. I started doing some cardio kick-boxing. The guy in charge was amazing, goes by the name "Billy Blanks." I'm pretty sure it's a pseudonym,* but that doesn't change how cool and sexy he is. In a platonic way, of course.
Anyways, the wine tasting was alright, but the fact that I don't really like wine very much kind of hampered the whole process. I'll let you know how the beer tasting goes.
Love, Felderburg
*The word "pseudonym" of course comes from the Greek, ψευδω, to lie, and ονυμα, name.
p.s. It turns out that wine does not make me very drunk (so far). Again, I'll let you know how it goes.
In other, completely unrelated news, I have a question for all my loyal readers (all none of you as of right now). Would it hypothetically be bad, or just illegal, or both, or perhaps neither, to in theory find a state's state bird, kill it, pluck it, marinate and roast it, and then maybe, hypothetically in a completely unreal and theoretical situation, eat it? I only ask because I'm a little tipsy, so this question just sort of, um... popped into my head. Yeah, that's it.
Oh! I almost forgot. I started doing some cardio kick-boxing. The guy in charge was amazing, goes by the name "Billy Blanks." I'm pretty sure it's a pseudonym,* but that doesn't change how cool and sexy he is. In a platonic way, of course.
Anyways, the wine tasting was alright, but the fact that I don't really like wine very much kind of hampered the whole process. I'll let you know how the beer tasting goes.
Love, Felderburg
*The word "pseudonym" of course comes from the Greek, ψευδω, to lie, and ονυμα, name.
p.s. It turns out that wine does not make me very drunk (so far). Again, I'll let you know how it goes.
The Aftermath
Sooo.... last night was enlightening. The introspective parts, that is. The parts where I was being chased by silver ghost elk things? Not so much. Anyways, I woke up wearing a ring, and had to get a marriage annulled. I wasn't sure who it was to until I checked that mess of a post from last night... turns out I married Snuggles, another friend of mine.* Luckily that seems to be the worst of it.
*He had nothing to do with creating the planner.
p.s./addendum/edit/whatever: Oh god, what is that thing! Ok, so, I am now on my way to a tattoo removal specialist, to get this... thing... off of my, uh... "lower stomach." I don't even know what it is. Is it a baby? A coyote? A baby giving birth to a coyote puking out another baby? Who knows? I sure don't, and I think I'm about to puke if I keep looking at it.
*He had nothing to do with creating the planner.
p.s./addendum/edit/whatever: Oh god, what is that thing! Ok, so, I am now on my way to a tattoo removal specialist, to get this... thing... off of my, uh... "lower stomach." I don't even know what it is. Is it a baby? A coyote? A baby giving birth to a coyote puking out another baby? Who knows? I sure don't, and I think I'm about to puke if I keep looking at it.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Sorry
Sorry about that folks... I uh, I just got a little carried away. I'm trying something out here. Something called... peyote. During a Harry Potter marathon.
I'm learning a lot about myself through this thing. I think that Harry Potter can really teach us a lot. About ourselves, about love, about... well, everything, really. I mean, I know what I want to do with my life now.
I can't reveal it here, but suffice to say it involves three layers and lots of purple. Because purple is so... so deep, man. So deep.
I think I'm going to go back to watching Harry Potter now. I think it's really improving my life. Except for the elk. Those blasted elk are everywhere now. I think they're supposed to be my spirit guides or something, but I'm not too sure. More on this as it develops.
Felderburg, out.
p.s. I'm so hungry I could eat a roadrunner. Seriously.
...or maybe those coyotes are getting into my head.
I'm learning a lot about myself through this thing. I think that Harry Potter can really teach us a lot. About ourselves, about love, about... well, everything, really. I mean, I know what I want to do with my life now.
I can't reveal it here, but suffice to say it involves three layers and lots of purple. Because purple is so... so deep, man. So deep.
I think I'm going to go back to watching Harry Potter now. I think it's really improving my life. Except for the elk. Those blasted elk are everywhere now. I think they're supposed to be my spirit guides or something, but I'm not too sure. More on this as it develops.
Felderburg, out.
p.s. I'm so hungry I could eat a roadrunner. Seriously.
...or maybe those coyotes are getting into my head.
Rhymes With Coyote
I guess... I mean
Doesn't really rhuyme...
So much... so much Parry... parry hotter.... I can see the Expecto Patronus everywhwree!!
I'll meet him down by the station, and, everything'll be
just
fine............
Wooooooooooooo,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Oh those are the same word. Ok.
Bye now
Yum.
Doesn't really rhuyme...
So much... so much Parry... parry hotter.... I can see the Expecto Patronus everywhwree!!
I love snuggles. He is sooooooooooo kind.
I'll meet him down by the station, and, everything'll be
just
fine............
Wooooooooooooo,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Ohmigod there's another one!!! This has GOt to stop. halt. Stop.
Oh those are the same word. Ok.
Bye now
Yum.
A description of what's going on, and some of what's going on
The other day, as I was cleaning out my room to move away, I discovered a daily planner for 2009. Several friends of mine decided to fill it out for me. This is a chronicle of my attempts to follow their plans.
Unfortunately, I didn't look at the planner until today, which means I've missed two days worth of plans. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it means I missed out on getting a "fabulously well paying job." On the other hand, it also means I missed out on getting an enema.
But on the other other hand (that's back to the one hand again) I also missed a lunch meeting with Mel Brooks. This is too bad, because I'm sure my friends went through a lot of rigmarole to get the appointment. I'm also disappointed that I didn't get to tell him that Spaceballs is more like Sucked Balls. Yes, that's right, I don't like Spaceballs. I even stopped watching it part way through it was so bad. In fact, the only reason I got so far was to spite my father, who had said "Oh, I don't know, I don't think this movie is that good," to which I responded "No way! Everybody thinks this is a great movie! It's gonna be awesome."* But as my forced guffaws turned into forced grimace-smiles and half-hearted "Ha..."'s I realized that my father was right, and that I should go do something more worthwhile with my time, like punching a steel wall with my bare knuckles.**
Back to the other hand, missing yesterday's plans does mean I get to keep my bell-bottoms. See, I have this extremely sweet, exceedingly awesome, eh-very kooool pair of jean bell-bottoms, which I love very much. So much so, that I don't know if I would have given them away, even if I had been following the planner yesterday. Although it is odd that giving them away was the plan for yesterday, since two nights ago (the night before yesterday) I had a dream where everybody was telling me my bell-bottoms were horrendous, and I spent the whole dream trying to not give them away or prevent them from becoming immolated or both. It was a horrible, horrible dream.
Anyways, today started bright and early with a shoe shine scheduled for 6 a.m. Why my friends did this to me, I don't know, but there it is. So my shoes are quite shiny now. Or they were, until I went to my high school campus. See, on my high school's awfully large grounds, there are some coyotes. And as I was walking with my newly shined shoes on said grounds, these coyotes apparently got angry. I don't know if it was my newly super shiny shoes, or the way I walked, or what, but they started going after me. Now, this isn't the first time I've been chased by coyotes, but it was certainly the most hair-raising. These guys were not messing around this time. I had to ford three rivers, disguise myself with sticks and river mud, and hop on a helicopter before they gave up. But give up they did, and now I'm safe and sound here at home, with some less-than-shiny shoes and river mud in my unmentionables. With any luck, the haircut and coloring I've got scheduled for later today will help disguise me the next time I'm on campus. And there certainly will be a next time, because I'm working there for the summer (this is not the fabulously well paying job, but it does pay pretty well).
That's it for today, a little long for a first post, but a lot has happened. Hopefully I'll keep this up-to-date every day. Shouldn't be too hard, seeing as there're things planned for me every day until August, I think. Alrighty, this is Felderburg, signing out.
*I have noticed I do many things for this reason. I suspect half an Oedipal complex hidden in my subconscious.
**Don't ask why there are steel walls in my house. I don't know. Some of the older people here might, though. Maybe I'll ask them.
Unfortunately, I didn't look at the planner until today, which means I've missed two days worth of plans. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it means I missed out on getting a "fabulously well paying job." On the other hand, it also means I missed out on getting an enema.
But on the other other hand (that's back to the one hand again) I also missed a lunch meeting with Mel Brooks. This is too bad, because I'm sure my friends went through a lot of rigmarole to get the appointment. I'm also disappointed that I didn't get to tell him that Spaceballs is more like Sucked Balls. Yes, that's right, I don't like Spaceballs. I even stopped watching it part way through it was so bad. In fact, the only reason I got so far was to spite my father, who had said "Oh, I don't know, I don't think this movie is that good," to which I responded "No way! Everybody thinks this is a great movie! It's gonna be awesome."* But as my forced guffaws turned into forced grimace-smiles and half-hearted "Ha..."'s I realized that my father was right, and that I should go do something more worthwhile with my time, like punching a steel wall with my bare knuckles.**
Back to the other hand, missing yesterday's plans does mean I get to keep my bell-bottoms. See, I have this extremely sweet, exceedingly awesome, eh-very kooool pair of jean bell-bottoms, which I love very much. So much so, that I don't know if I would have given them away, even if I had been following the planner yesterday. Although it is odd that giving them away was the plan for yesterday, since two nights ago (the night before yesterday) I had a dream where everybody was telling me my bell-bottoms were horrendous, and I spent the whole dream trying to not give them away or prevent them from becoming immolated or both. It was a horrible, horrible dream.
Anyways, today started bright and early with a shoe shine scheduled for 6 a.m. Why my friends did this to me, I don't know, but there it is. So my shoes are quite shiny now. Or they were, until I went to my high school campus. See, on my high school's awfully large grounds, there are some coyotes. And as I was walking with my newly shined shoes on said grounds, these coyotes apparently got angry. I don't know if it was my newly super shiny shoes, or the way I walked, or what, but they started going after me. Now, this isn't the first time I've been chased by coyotes, but it was certainly the most hair-raising. These guys were not messing around this time. I had to ford three rivers, disguise myself with sticks and river mud, and hop on a helicopter before they gave up. But give up they did, and now I'm safe and sound here at home, with some less-than-shiny shoes and river mud in my unmentionables. With any luck, the haircut and coloring I've got scheduled for later today will help disguise me the next time I'm on campus. And there certainly will be a next time, because I'm working there for the summer (this is not the fabulously well paying job, but it does pay pretty well).
That's it for today, a little long for a first post, but a lot has happened. Hopefully I'll keep this up-to-date every day. Shouldn't be too hard, seeing as there're things planned for me every day until August, I think. Alrighty, this is Felderburg, signing out.
*I have noticed I do many things for this reason. I suspect half an Oedipal complex hidden in my subconscious.
**Don't ask why there are steel walls in my house. I don't know. Some of the older people here might, though. Maybe I'll ask them.
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